It has now been six years since Elon Musk’s conquest of Twitter, and five years since Twitter’s simultaneous acquisitions of BeReal, Meta, The New York Times, Sanofi, and Roblox.
Twitter’s booming success over the past decade has largely resulted from King Musk’s radical restructuring of the company’s employment and user policies. Here are the 3 big changes General Elon has made to Twitter since 2022:
Larry Bird Clones: In order to fully immerse themselves into the value framework of Twitter, all employees must buy (or capture) a pigeon, soak it in blue dye, and bring it to work every other day. It will cost each employee $8 a month to verify their pigeon.
Morale Boosting: Keeping with Commodus Musk’s Darwinistic view of society all employees must participate in full contact sword fighting (in groups of course) for the purpose of promoting collaboration and team spirit, furthering the gladiatory mission of Twitter.
Monetization: Users must pay $0.10 per word used on tweets. His Highness Elon believes this will discourage nonsense posts while increasing equity in the platform, since right now, “Our elite users are outnumbered by the masses and we need something to even the field.”
President Musk hopes that these three new pillars in Twitter will empower employees and users to make the most of their time on the platform, and facilitate a greater degree of free speech in the United States of Musk.
