From the lens of a student, Yale College is an excessively dynamic place; schedules are shaken up as miscellaneous events are thrown at us; the weather shifts from tropical storm to sunny and then to bitter cold for eight months straight; Deans seemingly get cycled in and out like outfielders on a low budget little league team. Life at Yale forces a great deal of adjusting and it can feel like we’re riding a $85,000/ year roller coaster that never seems to end. However, in the midst of the rigamarole, ever since the Fall of 2020, a group of students in Timothy Dwight built something that has stood the test of time; in the unbridled field of entropy that is New Haven, one thing will always remain true: the TD cornhole team WILL prevail and win the championship.
The band of cornholios went undefeated in 2020 and 2021 and just won their third championship in a row on Tuesday; they have only one loss on their record to this day, and we’re seeing something the likes of which have never been seen before. When we think of the greatest sports team to ever exist, one usually thinks of the ‘95-’96 Chicago Bulls. Their record in the regular season was 72-10 (0.878 winning percentage), and their postseason record was 15-3 (0.833 winning percentage).
Now that we have a comparable team, let’s observe the TD cornhole stats: they have a 17-1 regular season record (0.944 winning percentage) and a 9-0 postseason record (1.000 winning percentage). While my analyses in previous issues have been products of opinion and subjects of controversy, what I’ve just calculatingly delivered is an objective and robust statistical analysis. To avoid being called out for bias, I will refrain from sharing my stance on the team, but the patterns indicate that the TD cornhole reign will be like that of King Joffrey: complete, tyrannic, and brutal for their enemies
