Thank you to those who took the time to contribute to my newest project: the Beans Organization for Orphans, Toddlers and Youth (B.O.O.T.Y). This is my first charity, and I want to thank these impoverished children for being in these circumstances—without you all, I wouldn’t have the chance for extra publicity. Parents, let’s keep that unemployment rate up—I’m late for my latest payment on my Camry.
B.O.O.T.Y is geared towards children in need—specifically, children in need of a boot in their ass to straighten them up. Randy Beans’ articles have communicated some common themes, and one of them is that children are a problem we’ve yet to solve. My charity will take these children and simulate a very realistic, prisonlike environment; they will be placed into controlled habitats according to region and these habitats will be centered around a food court with some hot dog carts, Auntie Anne’s pretzels, and Dippin’ Dots stations. Then, we open our collection of unfortunate youths up to the public—$20 admission on weekdays, $15 on weekends, and free admission during Toyotathon. No, this is not a zoo, with the main difference being that they take pretty good care of the attractions in zoos.
Why, Randy? Why subject these poor children to such indecency? Simply put, I don’t want these children to live in poverty for their whole lives. What I’m doing is giving them the motivation they need to get up and do something with themselves other than making headlines in the media. I get it—we all want our fame. Enough of the charades, and enough of the attention seeking. I am a humanitarian, and I’m committed to helping these children. 75% of proceeds will go to me, and the remaining will be dispersed to our faculty (which is also just me). Do your part and help the kids.
